Believe

I used to be very opinionated about the world

I knew how I felt about everything

Then some bad things started happening to me

and I wasn't so sure anymore

The things I had valued seemed so trivial and distant

The thing I had despised seemed like smaller scale versions of myself

Misrepresented and judged strictly on face value

Soon I didn't know how I felt about the world

My perspective changing with each second

Every day bringing forth a new angle

And along with everything else, bad things continued to happen

One thing piled on top of another, and everyday I felt it less and less

All until I got to the point where I knew nothing, felt nothing, completely numb and hollow

You could punch me square in the jaw and I wouldn't even flinch

I wouldn't even have enough passion to be mad at you for punching me

I had crawled so deeply within myself that I had disappeared completely

Everyone said it too;

Your not the same anymore..

Your not the girl I met and loved..

You've changed..

You've changed for the worst..

But it didn't mean anything but a word to me

Why should I give a damn that people "think" I've changed?

I knew that much

But I didn't choose to change

Mostly no one really does

These things just happen

You don't ask to see the evil look in a person's eye

You don't ask to be tied down or held at gunpoint

You don't ask to be beaten to a pulp or forced to smile for the ones who stole your freedom, dignity, and soul

You don't ask to watch friends bleed out the same colors they just got shot over

You don't ask for change but it comes hurling your way

Knocking down every self righteous opinion in its path

I'm saying all this so that you understand

I've changed in order to survive

But survivng isn't enough for me

I want to live

I want to have passion

I want to feel like there is just a bit of sense and order in this world

I want to believe that there are good things waiting to be explored

And every time you look at me and make me smile 

I can believe it just a lil bit more